Saturday, August 14, 2010

Mr. President

If You have no qualms about telling Jews where they can live and pray in their homeland of Israel, but feel free to browbeat Americans about allowing Muslims to build a Mosque in the most painful and inappropriate place in America... you just might be an Antisemite!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Giddyup!


With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, let's begin our great list of "You Might be an Antisemite if..." jokes!





If you consider Lender's Bagels to be "too ethnic"... you might be an Antisemite.


If you missed the last 'human rights' rally because you were too busy stoning your sister... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Christian Arabs are fleeing the Middle East because of Israel... you might be an Antisemite.


If you thought 'Schindler's List' was a comedy... you might be an Antisemite."





If you think Helen Thomas still wouldn't be stoned to death if she lived in most Muslim countries... you might an Antisemite.


If you think Jordan Farmar is only on the Lakers to, 'sell tickets to the Jews'... you might be an Antisemite.


If you've used the term 'cycle of violence' to equate beheadings of innocent civilians with the arrest of armed terrorists... You might be an Antisemite.





If you call Amnesty International every time Ike Davis crushes a fast ball... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Helen Thomas' free speech rights are being taken away because of her anti-Jewish comments... you don't understand the right of free speech... and you might be an Antisemite.





If you believe Juan Cole is wiser than Juan Epstein... you might be an Antisemite.


If it doesn't bother you that there's more support for Israel at a NASCAR race than all the political science departments in the Ivy League... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Egypt's high court decision today to strip citizenship from all men with Israeli wives is quaint... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Jews belong more in the Upper West Side than the West Bank... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think it makes sense for the Presbyterian Church to say ANYTHING about Israel, let alone support a boycott of Israel... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Joe Lieberman was drummed out of the Democratic Party just because of his stance on the Iraq war... you might be an Antisemite.


If you care more about the Gaza flotilla than what Israel did to help Haiti... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think "religion" is the cause of most of the killing in the world, see the graves of the 200 million killed in the very secular USSR, China, North Korea and Nazi Germany... oh, and you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Goldman Sachs is to blame for California, Greece, Spain and Hungary going broke... you might be an Antisemite.


If you conveniently forget that Jews have always lived in Israel for the last 5,000 and are not all of European descent... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think it makes sense that liberals are siding with Muslims who kill gays, stone women, and ban free speach... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Hamas really wants that concrete to build schools in Gaza... you might be an Antisemite.


If your first reaction to an act of Islamic terror in the U.S. is to worry that this will lead to violence against Muslims... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think Helen Thomas is worth listening to ever... you might be an Antisemite.


If you really think there's a difference between the way the New York Times and Al Jazeera report on Israel... you might be an Antisemite.


If you rely on Middle Eastern analysis from Andrew Sullivan instead of Charles Krauthammer... you just might be an Antisemite.


If you think the PLO was founded to protest the Israeli 1967 'occupation' of Gaza and the West Bank when the PLO was actually founded in 1964... you might be an Antisemite.


If you're like Nicolas Kristoff of the NY Times and you think Israel needs to be saved from ITSELF... you might be an Antisemite.


If you spend more time attacking Israel for alleged 'human rights offenses' than North Korea, Iran, Congo, or Sudan... you just might be an Antisemite.

If you think the United Nations is an appropriate body to address human rights issues... you just might be an Antisemite.


If you think terrorism is a response to economic hardship, despite millionaire terrorists like Osama bin Laden and the Underwear Bomber... You just might be an Antisemite.


If you think most Islamic terrorism would stop if Israel disappeared... you just might be an Antisemite.


If the only Republican politician you like is Ron Paul... you might be an Antisemite.


If your image of a real Jew is more like Woody Allen than Benjamin Netanyahu... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think it makes sense to criticize the 'brutality' of a country that's being attacked by teenage girls strapped with explosives because they talked to a man... you might be an Antisemite.


If you think it makes sense to listen to a country talk about religious freedom when it doesn't allow its women to drive a car... you might be an Antisemite.


If you regularly use phrases like "collective punishment," "occupation," and "disproportionate response"... you might be an Antisemite.


If your idea of a 'peace activist' is someone who carries stun grenades, metal rods, and small daggers... you might be an Antisemite.


If you have to walk to the market because your car is being used in a local bombing... you might be an Antisemite.


If you bought your last car because the explosives came standard... you might be an Antisemite.


If there's a burning tire in front of you and your wife is five paces behind you... you might be an Antisemite.


If your idea of 'marriage counseling' is five of your cousins stoning your wife to death... you might be an Antisemite.